One Mother's Homeschool Talking Points

One Mother’s Homeschool Talking Points (To read entire article please click on the title.)

by Krishyon Young

People often pepper me with Homeschool questions. In short order, rationalizations roll smoothly from their lips as to why they “can not possibly” homeschool their children. It is expected that I will soothe their conscience with a sweet, “Well, perhaps it’s not for everyone”. One day I did not oblige. Instead of a polite nod, I volleyed. With every concern given, I countered; for every excuse she lobbed, I sent back a positive twist. She finally gave up, or gave in you might say, as she is now in her eighth year of homeschooling.

Whether you consider yourself a homeschool crusader or not, you simply cannot avoid the attention you will get once you announce to a crowd, “Actually, we Homeschool”. While homeschooling mothers don’t get paid per diem for every convert, we often feel inclined to be the short-term face of our incredible movement. After all, someone inspired us once upon a time. In that spirit of giving, I offer you my own “talking points”. Help yourself, take what works for you and toss the rest.

I would homeschool my children, except …

1. I don’t have the patience.

2. I can’t afford it.

3. My kids won’t listen to me.

4. What about socialization?

5. Sports and the Prom, will they miss out?

6. I’m not trained to be a teacher.

7. Where would I find support?

8. What would I do for a curriculum?

9. Little Johnny has special needs.

10. I don’t want to homeschool.

* * * * *

1. Patience: It’s amazing! Once your family gets into a Natural Family Rhythm, you’ll be surprised how little patience is needed. In the institutional school setting, students are expected to sit, stand, move and talk when directed, mostly at arbitrary (to children) times. You’re in the middle of a poem? Too bad, put it away, its time for recess. In the middle of a ball game? Sorry, time to sit down for a math lesson. Time for lunch, whether you are hungry or not. Time for a potty break whether you think you need one or not, now’s your chance. Put your hand down, you already had your chance. Heaven forbid you get thirsty, that is not allowed until after reading group is over. Any sort of natural brain, body or emotional rhythm is set aside for the class schedule. When the child is suddenly dropped off in front of her house in the afternoon, she is tired, worn out, and fatigued by the craziness of her day. That’s when YOU get her back. No wonder you think you lack patience. Once a family moves into a Natural Family Rhythm, harmony happens. Families eat when they are hungry, play when they have energy, sit when they can concentrate and stay with projects until they are motivated to do something else. It’s comforting to see a child relax and feel “at home”. Of course, things aren’t always perfect. That’s all right, too. A little conflict resolution is part of the day’s lessons. When a family is well-fed, well-rested and well-loved, there are far fewer calls for patience. When a family leads a whole life, verses a fragmented life, it leads to contentment all around the table.

2. How much do you think it costs? Your estimate is probably based on what you think the public or private schools spend. This is no way to estimate the cost to educate a child in your home. I have had great, academically successful years when I spent nearly nothing (under $100 for four children combined). I have had equal academic success when I spent five and ten times more than that. You can buy a full curriculum and set your children up with a “school” that will supervise your child’s work and progress. This option will be expensive, time consuming and restrictive (and stressful). Or you can do what the majority of homeschool families do. Decide what you are interested in learning and look for ways to incorporate it into your family’s life. This costs very little. The Public Library is a great place to start. The Iinternet has thousands of unit studies and enough info to keep you up all night for the rest of your life, free for the taking. You will find most people are incredibly generous. Homeschoolers are learners at the core. When you are interested in something, you love to share your knowledge with others. I love this about people. Ask your family, friends and Church to see if anyone has a similar interest or hobby. Look for the older gentleman who served in WW II and knows everything about airplanes. How about the amazing retired woman who has traveled the world? You will make friends of all ages and there is nothing like learning something from someone who is passionate about their subject.

3. Your kids won’t listen to you? Give them a chance. If your children attend Public School eight hours everyday, they are weary of being ordered about, usually with little context as to why they are being told to do this or that. That is probably why they question your directives at home. It’s as simple as that. Bring them home. Give them some time to reconnect with the family unit. Give them space to figure out their learning style. Give them back their life and welcome them back into your life. Then you will find yourselves hearing one another. When you look at each other over the table at lunch one day, you will see that wonderful son you used to have such an easy time talking and laughing with when he was a fun four year-old and “your little guy”. You are both still the same people. Re-introduce yourselves to each other and fall back in love with your great “big” kid.

4. Socialization? When this word is used with me, I believe people are saying two things: #1 – Kids Need Friends. In the neighborhoods in which we have lived, children have attended a variety of educational institutions. Represented were Jewish, Catholic, Methodist and Baptist Schools. Montessorri, Magnet and Charter Schools also carted children off for the major part of the day. Our children homeschool, a perfectly reasonably alternative educational option. When explained this way to friends, family and neighbors the information is easy to organize and catagorize in their heads. The Public School in our area still attracts the largest percentage of the families but certainly it is not the only option. When I am asked the “socialization” question I describe to people what I see out my front door. Once children are home from “school”, they find one another. No matter where they have been all morning, they are playing together in the afternoon and on the weekends. Many homeschool children belong to town baseball or soccer leagues where they meet even more children. Children attend dance or gymnastic classes where they meet friends with similar interests. My own children belong to a Children’s Theatre where they perform with eighty plus other young people from age 7-15. I am my son’s Cub Scout Den Mother so each week I have many little eight and nine year-old boys running around my yard. One teenage daughter is a Life Guard where she meets a great variety of people. Another daughter meets people who share her interest in Opera and Classical music through music recitals. Most great friendships are based on similar interests. A few great friends who all love horses, or basketball, or reading are much more likely to sustain a close and meaningful, friendship over time. Mothers often orchestrate playgroups or play dates a few times a month both for themselves and their children. Just because your children aren’t preschoolers any longer doesn’t mean you can’t arrange meetings. I met a wonderful mother recently, we knew our children would hit it off and planned a family picnic in the park. It was as if our children had known each other all their lives. They absorbed each other’s cultural beauty as easily as the sunlight. That they did not speak the same verbal language made little difference. Squeals of delight translate well. Enjoying the people you are with is a much more enriching social experience for children than being segregated by age. In the homeschool atmosphere you have the luxury of thinking Stage, not Age. If your child loves to hang out with her Grandmother and her friends while quilting, why not? If your son thinks it’s cool to be in a band, open up your garage and plug your ears. If our family were any more social I don’t know when we would sleep.

Parental Social Anxiety #2 – Are they going to be weird? If by “weird” you mean like their Parents, then yes. Studies show children do model the major behaviors of their parents. If you are fine with “who” you are, be it shy, cool, friendly, abrupt, or far beyond description, then all will be well. After all, YOU found someone to love and presumably to love you. Children who truly are very different or unique are often tormented in the public school environment where being different is more obvious and not at all accepted as diverse and beautiful. These children either strip themselves of their identity to fit into that narrow mold (what a shame) or suffer painful scars that can last a lifetime. I think often of one young man in my youth who could not suffer the hurt and did not live through his high school years. This is an epidemic not properly dealt with in the Public School system and it is growing steadily. A kind, loving, accepting mother and father who build you up and help you see your strengths is just the place for the truly unique. When this BEAUTIFUL child grows up and goes to college or into the World with his self-worth intact, he will find a greater pool of people with the same interests, someone just as special as himself who will love him for who he is and they will have a happy “weird?” life together. That is proper socialization.